28th Sep 2010: Freshers’ Bar Scrawl

Malones, Edinburgh University Korfball Club’s social sponsor pub for 2010/11, was the natural starting point for a bar scrawl and the first of our merry band arrived at about seven thirty, with a whole host of other white t-shirt clad korfers in close pursuit. At this early stage the advanced drinking party were delighted to discover that the cheap drinks deals at the bar were universal student deals and not requiring a snapfax. One pound tequila shots spring to mind at this point, although it was decided that anyone who started the night with a tequila had a) a problem, but b) tequilad points by the dozen.

As more and more white t-shirts entered the fray the pens came out and the graffiti began, with hilarious classics such as “I’m not going to draw a penis”, “I scored at korfball” and scandal tallies being scrawled across th backs of certain oldies, with one notable ‘winner’ who has intervened with his lordly power over the committee and censor’s pen to make sure that no- one knows about his sordid four years in the korfball club thus far.

The first fresher to arrive was one Elliot Samson who was quickly stamped with “F” for fresher and hence dubbed “Felliot” by those who had already had a few drinks. At this point the Official Korfball Peg andOfficial Korfball Penny came out and the associated drinking penalties began to be administered, with many ninja tactics employed to try and attach a peg to someone’s clothing without their noticing… As the drinks flowed, so did the ink and the ‘artists’ thought that they were getting funnier and funnier, everyone discovered that Kyle always needs someone on his front, everyone loves SM (or S&M) and that certain korf power couples have hilarious nicknames.It was soon time to ‘bounce’ and our adventurers began to wind their way off towards Vodka Revs, after the first Tequila Time of the night.

After arriving at Vodka Revs and taking over the top bar, an ultimate-showdown-battle-of-the-teams-boat-race was organised, a battle which was promptly lost for the second and third teams by the strawpedo-ing abilities of a certain committee member and the sly tactics of an ex president.

It was at Vodka Revs that certain mysteries wee answered – Graham had lost Sarah but now she was found and it was confirmed by Kyle that he DOES wear the trousers in his relationship, it’s just that Rachel tells him which pair to wear.


Various shots and cocktails were consumed ad glowsticks were broken out before we set off down to theCowgate, and the less than salubrious surroundings of grungy bar and club, Opium, which was saved by the cheap drinks and relatively empty bar until it was filled with graffiti-ed korfballers. There’s not much to report from this venue apart from the cheap shots and bottles as well as the unconfirmed rumour of a ‘dirty shot’ comprising of white chocolate and blueberry Corky’s, which was, by the way, disgusting, thanks to the architect of that one.

Highlights of both Opium and its successor, Rush, were the fishbowl cocktails and cheap jagerbombs that looked more jagerbased than anything else, not that anyone was complaining.

Rush brought more and more vodka mixers, only a pound don’tch’a know?), large numbers of tequila shots and permanent markers. On faces. The graffiti was getting more and more sophisticated, with such witty classics as “I <3 *insert drunk korfballer’s name here*”, “Korf me quick” and “T***” making appearances. Memories get hazier and hazier, but whiskers were drawn, one person was told that they were only a friend in the name of tequila and for no other reason, ,Kathryn Maltby’s favourite green ‘cocktail’ was rolled out once again and the coaching coordinator spent a lot of time on the floor.

Soon it was time to move on to the final stop on the evening’s tour, Cabaret Voltaire. Special mentions must go to those who dropped out after Rush, you’re all weak and to those who were denied entry to Cab Vol for being too drunk, you may collect social card loyalty points and the Nightline number from me at training tonight.

The Speakeasy area of Cabaret Voltaire was the venue for an unusual movement exercise run by the second team coach (bear with me), with various outstanding examples of the ultimate Korfball Katwalk and the perfect pout reported.
Many took to the dancefloor to work through some of the alcohol that had already been consumed and at least two of the freshers apparently took the time to get to know each other a little better, we’ll say no more.

As the night wound up it was apparent that no-one had a chance of making it up Arthur’s Seat, this time, so remember there’s always room for improvement guys. Onwards and upwards.